I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
