just come out here and I will go home with you...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize