i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
