My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
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