My underwear smells like fireworks.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I had to cum in my sink.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
