I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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