Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
