my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
