Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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