The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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