totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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