she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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