By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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