Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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