i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
