so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
