I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
