Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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