The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
