roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
