have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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