I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
