I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
