i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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