He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize