I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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