Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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