I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
