We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And then my night got REAL pukey
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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