Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize