I could make wine with my vomit
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
jump out the window naked night went bad
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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