How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
