Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Two words: blizzard sex
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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