well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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