I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
