it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
