please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
