C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
