And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
