I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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