Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
