i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
