theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
