hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the day after is always just damage control
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
