Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
