i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
