Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
