Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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