Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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