My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
