is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
