I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
