Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
