Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
