Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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