I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
