Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
