So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
