And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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