Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
