I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
