True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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