Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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