Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
