Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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