whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
