Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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