Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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