I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
