I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She told me I should be a condom model.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
