There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
