Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
