I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
