I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
