just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
