the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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