if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
