3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No subtext here. People are naked.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
