Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
