i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
