don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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