Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
