Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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