Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
