Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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