I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
