You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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