One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
