I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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