To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
