when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
