I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
