How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
