I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
