i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
