dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
