I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
