Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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