people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
