I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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