you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
