Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
