So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No...this little piggys going to the bar
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
