just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
