Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize