So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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