hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
