Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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