I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
