im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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