Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
