yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
