i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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