So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Come share oat with me in your robe
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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